Exhausted

Four weeks left until school starts and I am utterly wiped out. There’s only three more days of ESY and after that, it will be anarchy. Summer with two Autistic children is not only challenging, it’s pretty damn brutal.
Zoe’s behavioral issues are finally getting to me. I did well this summer; thus far I haven’t gotten to the point at which I have had a crying fit, but I feel as though I am very, very close. It’s the total immersion, being here with the kids all the time without a break. I try to avoid being resentful of Larry when he goes out on his motorcycle on the weekends, but I feel so isolated and stagnant I have to admit it’s starting to creep in. The thing is, I want him to have the chance to get away. He works hard all week too and our life isn’t easy for him, either.
A few years ago I realized that I don’t do anything spiritual over the summer. No rituals. I read, study, pray and blog, but that is all I get done in the way of spiritual expression. After a day with the children I just don’t have much left to work with in terms of energy or drive. Trying to keep my connection to Deity strong during these months is not impossible, but extremely difficult. I do the best I can and hang in there until school starts and I can decompress and de-stress a bit.
I’ve given up trying to discuss this with Larry. In his words, I’m either complaining or catastrophizing. If not for the Pagan groups on FB I wouldn’t have much support and I am grateful to Deity every day that they’re there. Some truly amazing people hang out in those groups and on PaganSpace and I am so glad to know them. The support we give each other is priceless to me – I enjoy being able to give it far more than I like asking for it. I love my Pagan brothers and sisters.

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